OWP06

Jump Steak

Jump Steak

by Deborah Handman

When you live in another country, you quickly learn to be adaptable when it comes to eating habits, especially if you are a missionary.  Food lies at the center of most social events and our church in Japan was no different.  We were often invited to the homes of our parishioners and there were countless potlucks, bazaars, and other events.  These potlucks were always colorful and international.  My mother would make a heaping bowl of spaghetti and meatballs and place it proudly among the dishes prepared so daintily by the Japanese women.  On colorful china plates and cherry wood platters would lie what looked liked edible art in an array of colors and intricate slicing.  The traditional foods were often almost too beautiful to eat.  There were vegetables cushioned by rice and seaweed, sprinkled with black and brown sesame seeds, or the entrées: beef sliced thin, marinated in wafu sauce framed by mint leaves and water cress or raw fish lying on a bed of bean sprouts sprinkled with soy sauce and scented with ginger.   

A Defense by BB

A Defense by BB
Anita Nott

        “All rise,” bellowed the bailiff.   “The court of the Honorable Judge Oak is now in session.”  There was a gentle shuffling as the audience rose. 
    The presiding judge raised his trowel like a gavel and firmly rapped on the oversized garden bench.  “We are present to hear the case of the Confederation of Multi-Grains versus Bachelor Buttons.  In this lawsuit, the plaintiff has accused Bachelor Buttons of trespassing and being a general nuisance. 

Why? Please, Tell Me, Why?

Why? Please, Tell Me, Why?

By: Jennifer DeBlois

Have you ever wondered why people drive with their turn signals on when clearly they have no intent of turning or changing lanes? Or how about the person doing ten miles an hour below the speed limit in the fast lane - why? Here is my personal favorite: people who sit next to you in a cramped college classroom and smack their gum or chew with their mouths open. Again, I ask, “Why?” I do not want to see the food in your mouth as your tongue pushes it around, nor do I want to hear it.

By now you are asking yourself, “Why? Why am I reading this paper?” Here’s why. You’re intrigued. You may think I am an angry, cynical person based on my opening paragraph. You’re wrong. I am actually quite optimistic, overly compassionate to the point in physically pains me at times, and believe it or not I have so much pep I was captain of the cheerleading team for three years in high school. However, I am not afraid to tell the blunt, honest truth when needed and appropriate. My sarcastic and dry sense of humor has earned me the reputation among those who know me well as being “really sweet with a bit of spice,” as I can easily get fired up about certain issues. So, I have decided to dedicate this piece of fantastic writing to the thoughts that go through all of our minds, but are not always socially appropriate to share. That’s right, you all think them too.

“Why,” I ask myself, “do people in gridlock traffic feel the need to honk their horns?” You may not have experienced this kind of traffic before because we do not see it in the “big city” of Eugene, but I experienced this every day while working in San Francisco and commuting to and from the East Bay. In gridlock traffic no one can move. When you are laying on your horn behind me, I cannot go. This is ineffective and what I consider to be noise pollution. Please stop. Turn on your radio and sing along to help pass the time.

Germs – yuck! At a recent trip to WinCo, I witnessed a woman reaching with her bare hands into one of the bulk food bins. I found myself not only asking, “Why?” but also, “Where have your grubby hands been?” There are large, silver scoopers with handles meant to be used for removing food from the bins. As an educator, I feel it’s my job to educate this person on why the large, hard-to-miss scoopers are there. I catch enough germs and illnesses from my students; I don’t need to catch hers.

As a young woman and a runner, I often receive “cat calls” while I am working hard to better my body and my health. Usually they are from men at least my father’s age, I had one from a woman once, and recently they were from a group of boys playing basketball who could be my students if I were a high school teacher. Why do people feel it necessary to make vulgar remarks and noises when someone is trying to exercise? I am sweaty, my hair is flung up in a ponytail, my makeup is smearing down my face, and I probably do not smell like roses. Do I look attractive and like I am going to stop and flirt with you? No. Are these comments and sounds going to get you anywhere with me? No. Save your breath and let me run in peace.

I love to go to the movies! There’s nothing like watching a good movie on the big screen and enjoying some popcorn. I really like it when the movie theater is not very crowded and you can choose where you want to sit. In that case, why then do people sit right in front of or behind you and then talk throughout the movie and put their feet up on the back of your chair? There is an entire theater full of seats to choose from. Please select one of the more spacious seats.

Lastly, I have to include being late. This is not one of my pet peeves, as I am often a guilty culprit, but that of my boyfriend’s. He made me promise to include this passage, I think as a large hint to me. Following our discussion, Justin asks, “Why don’t you just give yourself a little more time to get ready? Why don’t you get up the first time your alarm goes off? Why don’t you stay focused on what you’re doing and not get sidetracked?” Point well taken, Dear.

I will not devote anymore lengthy digressions to the following issues, but feel they warrant mentioning. Pee on the toilet seat – nasty! Assuming that because I am young, I must be naïve – we all are in some aspect, but please give me some credit. Cell phones going off in meetings and class – turn them off. Not looking both ways before turning – there are people in crosswalks that you are about to hit. Letting your dog do his/her business in someone else’s yard and leaving it there – disgusting and rude. Spitting your gum on the sidewalk where some innocent passerby will step in it – please be more considerate.

I could go on, but I will stop now. You get the idea. I invite you to add on to the thoughts and ponderings that go through your mind that could be additional paragraphs in this piece. I encourage you to vent your frustrations; however, I caution you as to when to do it and to use discretion. In order to vent, you must also first accept and acknowledge that we all do these annoying things at times. Additionally, we do things that we do not realize which annoy others and they have these thoughts about us too. Thanks for listening!

Eugene Cuisine

Eugene Cuisine
Elizabeth Schunk

Two restaurants frequented by Eugene locals are Beppe and Gianni’s and The Glenwood. Both are located in well-loved old wooden houses conveniently bordering the University of Oregon campus; but that’s about all they have in common, aside from the long wait you must endure before entering these shrines to edible goodness.

The First Snow

The First Snow
By Amber Mitchell

        I had been getting up every half hour, any time I rolled over, needed a drink, using any excuse to get up. Stumbling out of bed walking slowly to the bay window and saying a quiet prayer before peering through the curtains revealing what I hoped would be a snow covered ground. The weatherman in his evening broadcast made the mistake of letting me, a six year old, in on the fifty percent chance of snow that night. However each time I went through this routine filled with hope and anticipation my dreams were dashed by the uncovered green grass that seemed to be taunting me each time the curtains parted. Not even one flake had fallen. Around two in the morning my routine came to an end as it became too late for my body to stay awake. When I woke up I was horrified to find out that I had failed, how could it snow if I wasn’t awake to see it? Now not only would I not get to play in the first and possibly only snow of the year, I would have to go to school again. How often do they want me to do this? I just need one snow day a year, is that too much to ask?
        As I grumpily made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth my mom gave me her usual cheery morning greeting and just couldn’t figure out why I was in such a bad mood. Before I could explain she grabbed my hand and took me to that same bay window that I had visited so many times the night before. Still smiling, she told me to open the curtains and to change my grumpy little attitude. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I peered through the window, not only had it snowed, it had snowed enough to cancel school, make snow angels, and build a snowman!
    I couldn’t help but change my attitude, my prayers were answered and I didn’t even have to be up to see it happen. My brother and I couldn’t get our snow gear on fast enough. We knew that our day was going to be full of fun things to do; we just needed to decide what to do first. We have the best neighborhood for snow. Not only is our neighborhood full of good friends from school, but it also has two perfect hills made just for sledding. I was going to get to go outside with every other kid in the neighborhood, play hard all day, getting soaking wet and freezing without even caring.
        The day was filled with snow angels, snowman building contests, snowball fights, fort building, sledding, and anything else that you can do with snow. My brother and I made it through the whole day without fighting. We didn’t have time to stop and think about meeting our daily fight quota. Between activities we would go inside to dry out and warm up a little bit in front of the fire drinking fresh hot coco made for us with love by our mom. She would bring us fresh socks and send us on our way. The day seemed to fly by as the sun slowly made its descent changing into the night’s sky. My mom practically had to drag us inside to get us fed and ready for bed.
        As we ate dinner, we watched the evening news and were sad to hear that it would be sunny and forty the next day, conditions that would not support the snow that still lingered. I was a little disappointed however all I needed was that one perfect snow day to get me through the year. As I drifted off to sleep reenacting the day’s events in my mind, I knew that I would have great stories to tell at school the next day, and memories that would last until next year’s first snow.   

The Uninvited Guest

By Glenda Zimmer

There was a misty haze in the air. The full moon showed overhead. The air had a chill. No one was on the desolate road. How many miles had he walked without seeing any signs of life? Next time he will be sure to start off with a full tank of gas. How could he have gotten himself in such a predicament?

Up ahead this now desperate man could see the outline of what appeared to be a building…a house perhaps. His veins were filled with excitement. As he worked his way nearer, the outline became clearer. It was a house. Hopefully someone was home and could help him.  

However, it seemed to be a vacant house. Getting close, he began to feel braver. Looking through the windows, the view gave the impression the house was abandoned. What now? He couldn’t stay outside all night in this kind of weather.

With great courage, he stretched his hand slowly out and grasped the door handle. It turned with ease. Upon opening the door, a dusty, yet lived-in home, lay before his eyes. It was as if a family had just left one day, weeks ago. Anxious, he entered. At least this would be shelter for the night. The idea of staying exposed to the elements was not inviting at all.

As the night wore on, he settled in. There were logs, tender and matches by the fireplace. Soon he had a warm blaze glowing in the room.  He found warm, inviting blankets and a soft, fluffy pillow near the couch. Before long, he was cozy and comfortable. The adventures of the night had worn him out. Almost immediately his body drifted off to sleep.  

Abruptly he was awoken by the sounds of footsteps on the pavement outside the window. The steps were headed towards the door. His heart was pounding; he was sure he saw the doorknob turning. Just as he reached for the fire poker for protection, the door began to open.

As the door opened a shocked group of people burst through the door. Almost instantly a tall, slender gentleman and shorter blonde-haired woman stood protectively in front of two young, wide-eyed boys.

“Who are you?” the still startled couple demanded. “And why are you in OUR home?”

Distressed and trying to recover from his interrupted sleep, he managed to express a sincere apology. Still dazed and stammering, he explained his presence. After a few exchanges, both parties began to relax and trust each other’s presence.

“I guess we left the door unlocked when we left a few weeks ago in such a rush. We were in such a hurry to get to my wife’s mothers that we did not even double check the door. Her mom had had a heart attack and was being rushed to the hospital. We just threw everything into the car and left.  I cannot believe we left it unlocked - lucky for you though, I guess. There is no one in the area for about twenty miles. We are out in the middle of nowhere,” the tall, slender guy reflected, trying to make sense of the puzzlement in his mind. 

The uninvited guest felt grateful when his startled hosts extended their home to him for the remainder of the evening. In the morning, he received a ride to town for gas then continued on his previous journey. A night he would not soon forget!

Tehra's Dream

She had never been so nervous in her life. She didn’t know if it was the airplane or the upcoming visit that caused her jitters, the only thing she DID know was that she was going to get sick. In front of her, in the little pocket on the back of the airplane’s seat, she found it: The small white bag that would save her from embarrassment. She thought about getting up and trying to make it to the bathroom, but she knew it was happening too fast. She’d never make it.

Dog Adventure II

Dog Adventure II

Gina Partos

Hey, looks like she stopped at a campground. Lots of dogs and kids to chase. This is great! But hold on a minute. What’s going on here? She’s chaining me to a tree. Now she’s bringing the child human and those stinking cats into the cabin with her. I can’t be chained to a tree! I can’t protect her and the kid. Doesn’t she know that she needs me? Forget about the cats, take me inside! I have to be free. I have butts to sniff.

Oh, this is just perfect. There’s a party going on. I keep hearing, “Bonaroo festival this, Bonaroo party that”… and there are a bunch of campers smelling like beer singing at the top of their lungs and playing guitar. I’ve had just about enough. I’m going to poop and poop big. UH, UH, UH, UH ohhhhh. I’m still chained to this tree. There’s nowhere to poop, nowhere to hide. That’s it. Crumby music, chained to a log. I’m pooping right here.

Next morning. Dragged back into the car and packed up again like a sardine. Cats still poopeemeowhurling. Up and down, up and down these rolllllllllling hills. This ride is interminable.

Whoa there Nelly! We stopped. Can this be home? But this is strange. All the humans live side by side each other in little rooms. And everyone is drunk. I can smell the liquor on them. Nasty! Why is she staying here? The stench from those rusty vans … pee, poop, drugs and vomit. I’m sleeping in my female human’s room. I’ll tear into anyone who touches her and the kid.

Oh happy day. We’re going for a walk. I love walks. Next to a train track. The smells here are great. I can tell there have been a lot of humans moseying along here who get into as much garbage as I do. This is the best. Nothing like pooping next to a train track. Hmmm. Now where do I pee? I have to find a really great spot. Got it! Right next to this dead squirrel. This rules!

Back in the van. All day is a long slow climb. I’m tired of leaning on one haunch. We stop and it’s really windy and dusty. My human boy is tired and falls flat on his heiny running into another one of those side-by-side room places I hear my female human call a “motel.”

The good part is that it’s walk time. She takes me to this place with really thick, green grass to poop, but it smells like dead human bodies mixed with formaldehyde! I’m not mixing my poop in with dead human smell. Noooooo way! I’m holding it in until tomorrow. I can see my female human’s becoming testy; she’s tired. She’ll give up soon.

I knew it. We’re back at the motel. What’s up with this? A bunch of sweaty construction workers drinking and smoking outside a room close to my female and boy human. They smell like they’ve been guzzling brew for a long time. I don’t like the look or smell of this. One of the stinky male smokers is approaching my female human. He starts human speak. I know when a human has bad intentions.

GRRRRRRRR. GRRRRRR. GRRRRRRR-URRRR-URRRRRR. RRRRRRRRRR-URRRRRRRRRRRR-RAH. RAH-RAH-RAH! [In dog speak … WATCH IT BUSTER! WATCH IT! WATCH IT! WATCH IT! BACK OFF!!!!!!!!!!]

Not so interested any more, are you buddy? The bad male human slinks away. If he were a dog he’d be slinking off with his tail between his legs! Ha! I’m sleeping close to my humans tonight.

Another long drive today. We finally stop at a place with big mountains and lots of prairie dogs to chase and sniff. Dead ones. Live ones. And morbidly obese ones. I don’t have time to stop to poop. There’s too much to do. I hear my female human complaining about “fooling around.”

“Je T’aime. Enough. I’ve had just about enough of your dilly dallying. It’s time to go inside.”

Then she takes us into another motel. Boring.

More driving, more motels. Nothing special here, but I’m glad to get out of that stinky cat poopeemeowhurling van. I saw a bum while I was out on my poop, but he was no match for my female human, so I didn’t bother.

Still more sitting in the van and driving today. At least this time we get to stay in a real big room with bath tile for me to cool off on. They must have gotten this room just for me. They even bring food to this room on a tray. My female human eats like a wolverine. And her kid is a wolf boy the way he’s chomping down sweets. 

Finally after we’ve all eaten they take me by a gushing dam. Lots of water, trees, mountains. It’s cool too. I love it here. I wish we could amble down the cliff, but this is o.k. too. Great poop spot. We’re moving up in the in the world!

A short drive then we come to a little white house. There are lots of mice in the vines outside the house. Looks like good hunting grounds! 

Hold the phone! My female human is unloading the cats. Another female human who looks and smells a lot like my female human are unpacking the van. My human boy puts food and water bowls outside the house. Ants climb up into the food, but the human boy puts dish soap around the rim of my bowl and the puny critters get stuck in the soap. 

Fresh water in my bowl! And more fresh water. My female human is nagging my boy human to keep filling my water bowl. 

“Come here pretty baby. Come on Je T’aime. How do you like it here? Have some beef jerky. Yummy huh? Mmmm-hmmm. That’s my good baby. You’re going to love this new yard aren’t you?”

“Hey Gina, he seems to like it here!”

Clean water, lots of food, mouse hunting. Oh happy day! We must be home.

The Magical Wig

The Magical Wig
By Connie Early

Raised in an era where children were to be seen and not heard.  I was a compliant child at home and a good student at school. However I was virtually invisible as an individual. I was the child in school who was never noticed, except by a few close friends who seemed to share the same formula as I did for invisibility.