When the Different Questions are the Same Question

                              When the Different Questions are the Same Question
                                                  by Maureen Twomey

     My least favorite moment in the classroom is when a student asks, “But what do you really think?   While I have many strong opinions that I express outside of the classroom, I am discouraged that students are encouraged to believe that teachers have all the answers or that their teacher's opinion should influence their opinion.  There is, however, a fine line between instruction and the potential abuse of authority. Usually I remind the students that, if they think about it, I have already exercised my voice in the classroom in many visible and invisible ways.  Even though the state has substantial influence in what skills and content are taught,  my personal choice of the selection that we read, my direction of a discussion or my guidance in interpreting the significance of an event greatly influence what the students take away from the classroom experience.  This whole issue of influence takes on an even more challenging direction when events in or out of the classroom prompt a student to ask for personal guidance in an important life question.

     In my second year of teaching, a student was abusing oxy-cotin and overdosed.  He had only been in the small rural district for five months, but the impact of his death in May challenged all of us at the high school. Among the students, it prompted many serious questions about what happens after death and why bad things like this happen at all.  Further complicating matters, this community had experienced highly contentious episodes several years earlier about spiritual beliefs and how liberal or conservative each of the churches were in their pastoral guidance.  Adults in the community had allowed students to become dangerously factionalized, both in and out of school, by the church they attended.  All of these circumstances had heightened the staff’s caution regarding such sensitive
topics.  It was even more of an issue for me.  I was still in a probationary status and I considered continuous employment to be mandatory.  What to do when the questions rained down?  Empathy and hugs only go so far. Even after the mental-health specialists arrived, all the platitudes and clichés seemed hopelessly inadequate.  Many students had past encounters with loss that had been lurking just below the surface.  All of their fears and questions came bubbling up.  It was an overwhelming time.
     Several years later a student contacted me in the summer, right after she had graduated.  Her parents announced their plans to divorce immediately after she had returned from her grad night celebration.  She was struggling.  Everyone she was close to was involved with either one parent or the other.  She had so many questions. “How can I tell what they really want from me?”  “Should I still go away to college?” “Can I possibly have a relationship with both without betraying one of them?”  Again I felt unprepared for the burden of trying to say the right thing. Teachers and students develop such close relationships over four years and the bonds don’t just get switched off when the diplomas are handed out. Yet at what point does the teacher-student relationship fade and the friendship begin? When does the authority issue become a non-issue? Cautious about overreaching my bounds, I think I murmured something about marriage being a lot of work and she should be supportive to both of them as they
negotiated their new lives.
     Most recently I was stunned when a student approached me after class and told me she had just experienced a revelation. We had just been discussing the impact of social status on the men and women that Chaucer wrote about and how it influenced their spiritual choices. She explained in an awkward and embarrassed way that she wanted to verify whether she correctly understood everything we had discussed.  But first she needed to know if I believed in God.  She was tearful and shaking, trying to come to terms with the moment. She was normally a very composed girl and I could feel my eyes fill up as I felt her struggle. Inside, my thoughts raced but I was paralyzed.  First, I wanted to honor her courage in being able to articulate such a significant but personal moment. Then I
selfishly felt delighted that our discussion had provoked such a meaningful response.  But my excitement was tempered by my need to answer this with just the right words, whatever those might be. She was taking a chance and exposing her epiphany, and I was thinking about whether my response might be perceived as instruction.
     As a teacher, it is important to support and aid students in asking the right questions but be guarded in giving an absolute answer that could unduly influence a developing mind.  I don’t want to give answers that end questions; I want only to help my students find the questions that will lead them to a better understanding of self.  While all of these situations have had students posing different questions, they all seem to be asking the same question.  In the search for truth in life, the unknown undermines our self-confidence.  In all of these incidents, the question I might have asked each of the students is “What are you most afraid of in this situation and what will help you to trust in yourself?" 

Comments

[Shauna Altman]

Wow! What a thought provoking paper... It makes me ask more questions of myself, especially as I move into the public school setting.

[Pam Schmieding]

Even in middle school (esp. in middle school!) these kinds of questions come up. It is a constant dance of guidance and provoking-evoking that isn't easy or self-evident. I appriciate your take on it, and relish the opportuity to dance again.

[Deborah Handman]

Maureen,
This was well written. I have the same struggle. There is always a part of me that feels dishonest to skirt the questions when I'm asked something very directly. I've perhaps been too honest in the past, but I feel as long as you are always open to the opinion of others and not condemning, students tend to feel safe about telling you just about anything.Even if I don't agree with a student's personal beliefs on religion or politics or other controversial issues, I feel that I can always learn something from them. Thanks for your thoughts.