First paper: Procrastination and First Lessons Learned at the Oregon Writer's Proejct

    It is Memorial Day afternoon. I just returned from hiking at Smith Rock State Park. The envelope has been sitting on my sewing table for a while. I glanced at its contents when I initially received it a few months ago. Should I just wait until tomorrow? Should I work on it today? I really want to watch Dr. Phil and read a good book but I know I should, at least, review what I am to do in a few short weeks. I sigh and resolve myself to doing some more work. I take out the contents – two white pieces of paper on letterhead, a yellow sheet, and a pink sheet. Four papers? At least 600 words each? A presentation? Do I have enough for my presentation? Will my presentation be good enough? Should I change it? What if someone else is doing the same thing? Do I want to do the Oregon Writer’s Project? Do I really have anything to offer? I just want to learn how to best teach my students how to write. What type of personal experience should I write about? Do I have to share my writing? Why am I so worried about sharing my writing?

    Even though I just ate a HUGE lunch, I suddenly need a cookie. While getting one from the freezer, I notice Ben and Jerry’s frozen yogurt. I have some of that, too. I really should start writing something. The idea of that blank page is intimidating though. What should I write about? Is this what my students feel like? Is this why they wander around the room, talk with others, or clean their desks rather than begin to write? I remind myself to remember this feeling. Why am I procrastinating? What am I scared of?
    I really should begin writing but instead I get my lunch ready for Tuesday. I notice that bag of carrots I meant to use. I should make my carrot salad before I forget. While shredding carrots, I pause and reflect upon my experience as a writer. I know teacher books say that in order to teach writing I must think of myself as a writer. I don’t, at least, not yet. I used to think of myself as a writer. I used to love writing in elementary school. I wanted to be an author and would spend hours writing stories. When did my perception of writing change? When did I lose my love and passion for writing? My elementary school teachers said I was a great writer. Then, sometime in middle or high school the focus of writing changed. In elementary school, most writing was creative – this was the kind of writing I loved. Then, in middle and high school the focus was on reports and academic papers. I struggled with writing in my first year at the honors college at the
    University of Oregon. Many of the same thoughts and fears I have now ran through my mind then. Would my writing be good enough? Would I be good enough? I was constantly in my professors’ office hours asking them for help with my writing. Was it clear enough? What can I do to make it better? It was never perfect. There was always something to improve upon, clarify, or edit. I definitely did not consider myself a writer. Writing was something to be done only when necessary.
    My carrot salad is done. I really should begin my writing, just get something down on paper, but I should take a shower first. While in the shower, I continue pondering my resistance to writing. I realize that my writing is a reflection of myself. That is what I fear about sharing my writing. My writing is an extension of myself. It is deeply personal – it is me, on paper. Will people like me through my writing? Will they think that I am competent? Competent – that is what I am worried about. I am scared of people thinking that I am incompetent. I don’t even know who will be in my editing group. Do my students worry about the same things? Of course, they might not be able to label it like that but do they worry how others will react to their writing? Do they worry about sharing their work? Do they worry how others will respond? Of course, they must! Maybe that explains my many procrastinating, wandering students during writing time.
    Acknowledging my fear and realizing it a tad irrational, my worry about writing and sharing subsides. There are countless experiences I could write about – my trip to
Europe, my first year of teaching, shopping with my friends, hiking, and so forth. I think this narrative is the most fitting though. Maybe this will help others who are hesitant to try to Oregon Writer’s Project or who do not think of themselves as writers. How do I end this though? Does a narrative need a beginning, middle, and end? I must try to remember this experience to share with my students. Giving them starting strategies will help them even more. Maybe students need that procrastinating time. Maybe it gives them time to think – like my personal procrastination. I can tell I am becoming a better writer, and teacher, already!

Comments

[Nat Teich]

Tiffany -- you achieved a wonderful example of what I mentioned in class as a useful assignment for more mature writers -- to write about your own individual writing process. You effectively show and understand that the procrastination is actually a part of the formative process. And all your comparisons of your feelings to those of your students in the same bind are exactly what the Writing Project approach is designed to bring out. You might share this with your student. Hopefully they'll enjoy it as much as we adults do. Cheers ==nt

[Marty Smith]

Tiffany,

I enjoyed reading your paper and you must know by now, how much we (some, a few, all, okay, just I) shared (and still share) the feelings you experienced leading up to this class and expressed so well in your piece.Thanks for providing the voice!

Marty

[Shannon]

Tiffany,
How true. I can totally relate as I sit here commenting on your writing instead of doing my own. I often comment that I am as bad as the kids about working the night before the deadline to get my work finished. Will that ever change? Do we do our best work at the last minute?

[Terry Benge]

Tiffany, I really enjoyed reading this; I felt like I was going through it with you. It's so true. I hope you will continue to think of yourself as a writer, like you did when you were younger. You write clearly and interestingly! I'm looking forward to reading your other papers.